NEW YEAR'S EVE

So I'm supposed to go to a party tonight with my brother Michael, but it doesn't start till 9.  That's about right for a New Year's Party but when you're normally in bed by 11 p.m. it's actually kind of late.  And what's more, the last 15 years I spent with my husband (who as you know I recently separated from) so who knows who I'll be kissin at midnight (besides my brother) - again if I'm even still up at that hour.  Plus, isn't New Year's Eve somewhat over-rated?  I mean what's the big deal with a new year starting?  Many of us are so glad the last one's over!  Well, okay, there ya go...that's cause for celebration.  Anyway...HAPPY NEW YEAR'S to all of you!  I hope your 2010 is full of wonderful surprises, fun events and love, love, love, in the Middle-Ages.

TAKE MY MOTHER, PLEASE!

I am so ready to get into 2010.  What a year!  My Mom called this morning...she doesn't know I separated from my husband yet.  And I'm not sure I should tell her.  She's (kind of) negative.  And, she just might gloat over it.  Kind of sick that way...but as some people get older they tend to get happier at other peoples miseries.  Come to think of it she always got pleasure from other peoples misfortunes.  Ah, what a great model to grow up with.  Not!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEW YEARS DAY

So, thank you to Jane and Hillery for your posts.  And I'm going!  I'm getting a deep tissue massage and a deluxe facial.  Just get me through all these holidays.  But girls please know I'm really enjoying being single.  And I've already signed up for some "single" event through my yoga studio.  A spiritual man who is in to taking care of his mind and body could be nice...and I don't believe all the good ones are gone as in married or dead.  I am signing up for as many events in 2010 as possible.  That's right.  You heard it here...one of my New Year's resolutions...

DATING IN THE MIDDLE AGES RULE #2

Dec. 12th-

Turns out "James the doctor" was a Proctologist! And to make matters worse all he talked about was colon, rectum and anus disorders. 

We didn't make it to dinner, no surprise. When he was still talking about hemorrhoids the size of califlower lumps after an hour into our date, I decided it was time to go.  

But he did manage to ask me one question before I escaped.  Had I ever had a Colonoscopy? 

Dating in the Middle Ages Rule #2

NEVER, EVER, GO ON A DATE WITH SOMEONE RECOMMENDED BY A FRIEND OF A FRIEND OF A FRIEND!

DR. WHO???

Dec. 5th-

Recently a friend of a friend of a friend (don't even try to figure it out) said they had a doctor they wanted me to meet. In other words, a blind date.  They said the doctor was middle aged, divorced and very successful in his field. The friend of a friend of a friend supposedly was a reliable source.  I asked what kind of a doctor he was and she didn't really know, but said he was head in his field.  Fine.  So we'll call the doctor "James" to protect his anonymity.  I told the friend of a friend of a friend (I know!) to have James call me.  Well, James didn't call.  He began texting me. That was kind of irksome.  Now I ask you, what's wrong with calling someone to get to know them? Look I'm all for modern technology but how informal can you be? But he texted nicely so, after several of those, I have decided to meet him for dinner at a trendy French Restaurant.

DATING IN THE MIDDLE AGES RULE #1

Nov. 6th-

Yes, it's official. I'm an Idiot! And all of you were right!  Now I remember why I left my ex-boyfriend in the first place. Besides staring at every female that came through the door of the restaurant and flirting with the bartender, he was constantly texting.  It was a nightmare. I am so glad I drove my own car. Which leads me to:   

Dating in the Middle-Ages Rule #1.

ALWAYS DRIVE YOUR OWN VEHICLE ON THE FIRST DATE.

THE "X" FACTOR

Nov. 2nd-

An ex-boyfriend found out I am now separated - from me changing my status on Plaxo. He e-mailed me. I can see some of you shaking your heads at this already, but, hey, we dated sixteen years ago and people change, right? Well I'm hoping so because I accepted to meet him for drinks and appetizers Thursday night. Today is Monday...

THE GIANT BOOB CATASTROPHE!

Oct. 18th—

Shoot me now! I went out with my girlfriend last night. What a nightmare! What was I thinking??? My first night out as single and I went out with Miss Jugs U.S.A! And did I mention she is ten years younger?? I never should have let her talk me into going out, but when you just separate from someone you're vulnerable. And the sleeze-bags she attracted, Oye-veh! Needless to say they stared at her breasts the whole time they talked to her. I was pretty much invisible.  Which, it turns out, was fine...

But when after a couple drinks she got on the bar and started doing a strip tease to “Let Me Entertain You,” I knew I was in big trouble.  Let's just say the Bathroom Attendant and I became great friends.

ALL BY MYSELF

Oct. 14th—
My brother, Michael, and my two best friends C.C. and Lisa helped me unpack. They were actually talking about having to take turns "covering" me for the first few weekends so I wouldn't be alone. Gimme a break!  I’m a big girl. Besides, I already have a girlfriend date to a new swanky restaurant this weekend. Lots to catch up on.  Stay tuned!!!